Thursday, December 10, 2009

Perinatolgist Appointment 11/27

After much diddling around we were finally set for our Level 2 ultrasound with the Perinatologist for Tuesday, 11/27 which was also a couple of days before Thanksgiving. Brian and I set it for first thing in the morning so that we could get into the office with most of the day left. Again, this appointment started off as swell (sarcasm) as all my other appointments have gone during this pregnancy. Paperwork wasn't readily available, the office manager was late to the office, blah blah blah.

Finally!!! They call us back for the ultrasound about 25 minutes later (we were the first appointment of the morning, so I don't want to hear the excuse well they were behind because of other patients). My butterflies are now the size of 747's, but the nurse comes in to take my vitals and she's very sweet so I'm feeling better. Dr. Taylor comes in to do the scan and explains that he is going to be reviewing the heart structure very closely looking for the irregular heartbeat, so don't worry if he's not interacting with us. I think "Phew, this is good, glad he told us that up front so we don't start freaking out".

About 30 minutes later while Brian and I have been chatting and I've been checking out the scuffs on my favorite red shoes; Dr. Taylor tells us he's done with the scan. He starts talking and the tears are already coming out of my eyes. I'd seen the face of the Radiologist at the last visit and his looks worse. Essentially it went something like this "I see an abnormality with your baby's heart, it could be a benign tumor in the wall of her heart muscle or it could be the absence of some vital vessels and structures; I'd like to recommend that you see a Pediatric Cardiologist that specializes in ultrasounds and EKG's on fetuses". I ask for more information regarding everything he's just listed and he explains more "The tumor would be nothing to worry about most resolve themselves before delivery, if she's missing vital structures of the heart then the abnormality could be fatal". He left Brian and I alone at that moment to go call a couple of the Pediatric Cardiologists in the state and see if they could get us in for a certain diagnosis; and I lost it.

I thought of all the moments that I had said the experience was overrated, the times when I semi-joked that I was one and done with having babies preferring the thought of adoption in the future, the complaints about gaining weight (overall vanity), etc etc. Just generally a feeling of self loathing about how in the world my baby could have such a catastrophic defect and I felt absolutely fine. Brian to all his credit was totally cool and comforted me, dried my tears and the episode was over in a matter of minutes like I had fallen down, scraped my knee and gotten back up on the bike. Dr. Taylor came back in at that moment and said he had spoken with one of the Peds Cardiologist and she was available that day to see us if we could make it downtown within the next hour and a half. We said absolutely and jetted out of the office to see what fate really had in store for our baby girl.

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