Monday, January 25, 2010

Hitting the Proverbial Wall

It came on like a freight train, but somehow pessimism set in big time on Saturday.  Nothing was working right, nothing was good enough and nothing could settle me.  Some of this could be attributed to the fact that I am over 30 weeks along now, carrying around a good sized bowling ball and there are things I can no longer simply do for myself.  I hate relying on others to help me do something and I'm impatient about waiting on the help if it's something that I want done in the moment.  Olivia is still just as wild as she was the previous week, with lots of big movements across my stomach that even distort the overall shape.  Now Moms, I'm all about feeling her move and getting that "aww" moment but when it's seriously extremities coming out or a back bend in the most akward position, I definitely don't get that lovey dovey feeling.  I get the feeling that I have an unappreciative houseguest in my midst. 

Our house is coming along, Brian has successfully checked the bathroom remodel off the list of things to do and the nursery has its first coat of paint.  All progress, again though I took little comfort in the accomplishments.  I can only put it down to the fact that all of these things that are going on without my control or much effort from me and that is just hard for me to accept.  I am trying to put it in perspective for myself that there's going to be a lot more things in the future that are out of my control regarding Olivia's health so all of the current trials and tribulations are good leaning experiences.  While my mind of course understands this is all logical, there is the little she-devil inside of me that's getting awfully full of frustration with little outlet to blow off some steam. 

All in all, most of my problem is that I feel sorry for myself.  I'm just getting to that point in the pregnancy where I'm going to get more uncomfortable as days go on and that combined with the cold dreary weather, endless work at the office, and endless projects is just making for a crabby Lisa (yes-crabbier than usual Lisa).  Hopefully it's something that will blow over with a good night's rest, thank goodness Olivia and I still have a good pact in place regarding the importance of my sleep.  I negotiated with her and said that I would have a little sweets here and there if she lets me sleep well-so far it has seemed to work quite well. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! My name is Kathy and my son, Chase, was born with HLHS at MUSC in Charleston, SC 3 months ago. I have a Google alert set up so I'm notified anytime anybody posts something about HLHS and I received a link to your blog today. I read through your story and can COMPLETELY identify with how you're feeling. The news of your precious unborn baby having a CHD, especially one as complex and serious as HLHS, is very difficult to understand and deal with. The great news is you know in advance (we found out at our 20 week ultrasound and are VERY grateful that we had plenty of time to prepare!). I look forward to following your story and reading all about the wonderful things God has in store for sweet Olivia. I love the name, by the way!

    God bless!

    P.S. You can follow our story at Chase will probably have his 2nd surgery (Bi-directional Glenn) around April.