Sunday, May 27, 2012

Trust in Mother's Intuition

Before Olivia I had often been told that a Mother's intuition when it came to one of her childrens welfare was one of the strongest reliable natural insticts out there. In both good and bad that instinct has not failed me to prepare for things with Olivia throughout her life thus far. It first hit me when I knew it when I had this overwhelming feeling that I was pregnant before any over the counter test could tell me. Then very early on when I knew something would be different in the pregnance from the norm, later confirmed by her HLHS diagnosis. Even the premonition that I would have a girl, so convinced I only had the name Olivia Giuliana picked out and didnt really consider any boys names.

Weeks ago the feeling came to me again after her Fontan surgery had been set that this surgery would not fare as well, to what extent I did not know and it worried me. I remember trying to hone in exactly and what I found troubling at the prospect of the next surgery and whether it was fear or my gut really telling me something? When the doctors brought her out of the OR telling us they had had to re-intubate and shock her into rhythm I was worried about the road ahead but not surprised. Each day as it has brought its small complications in bloodwork levels, pleural effusions, lethargy, arrythmias, eating, over drying from dieuretics; it hasnt come as any surprise because I had already mentally prepped myself for the Fontan recovery to be worse than her previous surgeries.

Tonight as she continues to get stronger she is begging me for "wa wa". With only 3oz left in her 24 hr max of 28 total fluid intake Im trying to budget her until 7 am when the daily intake retakes. Right now Im just thrilled she has the energy to repeatedly request it. Chest tube output was insignificant and they are talking about sending Liv to the floor today after rounds. Fingers crossed!

1 comment:

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