Beat Up, Beat Down and Build On

If you asked me how things were going yesterday morning with Olivia, I'm not sure that I could have given you an answer without tears stinging at my eyes.  She woke up with dry heaves and continued dry heaves and vomiting all morning long.  When I talked with Cardiology, they agreed that it would be best to hold off on the lasix, but make sure that she got her heart meds.  The cause for her nausea, heaving and throwing up was being written up to a viral stomach bug likely caught during her recent hospital stay.  That seemed like a great excuse, but I was not convinced.  It seemed too easy, too predictable, surely there must be something else going on in that little body. 

Around 10:30 she passed out from exhaustion and woke up a new woman around noon.  My parents became militant meanies about giving her the smallest amounts of water and food and then waiting an appropriate time before giving her a little bit more, even if it meant that they had to listen to Olivia beg for more.  Little by little throughout the day things started to stay down and as I received the updates or at least saw the lack of updates, I knew that at least things were heading in the right direction.  Around 4, one of my besties came over, who also just happens to have some experience with HLHS kids and has worked with Olivia's surgeon previously to do a quick assessment while I was on the phone giving an update to the staff over at Hope.  She was relatively pleased with what she saw and heard, and so was everyone at Hope.  Still directed to skip the nighttime dose of lasix, we'll see how she wakes up today before determining the meds.  

Maybe I got melodramatic yesterday or maybe it's been the culmination of the last few weeks but I am so tired I can feel it in the roots of my hair all the way down to my baby toes.  I considered doing some off the wall or drastic things yesterday for the Munchita...even having said bestie to come and start an IV of fluids on her just to make sure that we didn't end up on the other end of the spectrum at dehydration where Liv's electrolytes get so funky that they do even more bad things to her heart.  Desperation is a stinky cologne and I'm hoping this morning's shower washed it all off of me.  You know when you're asking for things to just be simple and "why can't we just be dealing with heart failure?" that there's some bad stuff going on.  

The grandparents on both sides deserve mega props.  The grandpas got dusted off and put into play to back up the grandmas each day this week so that Brian and I can try to get caught up at our respective jobs as much as possible knowing that going forward Liv's cardiology appointments will now always include an echo and be much lengthier in the duration.  As painful and helpless as it is to be the parents in this sort of situation, I'm sure it's actually worse to be the grandparents.  Huge round of applause to them for being readily available 24/7 and keeping the wheels on the road.  I won't talk nicely about Olivia because we know how that goes, so I'll just say she gave me a hug and kiss goodnight last night and it made my day.