Tuesday, June 29, 2010

We survived

We all made it through my first day back in the office.  I was soooo excited on the way home to see Livvy that I would even compare it to a puppy getting to go outside and play.  Of course, Murphy's law, I scramble in the door, throw all my stuff down only to find her napping away in her swing.  Since I'm not once to wake a sleeping baby, I just sat there and looked at her for a while until I could finally pick her up.  She had a great day with Grandma, but we're still seeing flecks of blood in some of her diapers in spite of my dairy free diet so now we'll be going to a pediatric GI specialist on Tuesday. 

Later in the evening I utterly depressed myself with the thought that my mom is going to be seeing my baby more than I will on a daily basis.  I was jealous, angry even that there are people out there that someday Olivia will prefer over her own mother.  I know having family watch her is the next best thing to Brian or I, but ughhhh at that moment I just really felt like screaming.  I want to be back at work because I like the sense of independence and purpose that it gives me but then I want to be at home to see Olivia reaching milestones, and I want to be the one that's taking her to all her appointments.  Plain and simple, right now I pretty much want it all.  Now sitting back and reflecting on it, there's a whole lot of "I" there and not much "we".   So I will say that Olivia wants her Mommy at home with her and going to all her appointments as well. Now that's two votes! 

Time with our baby girl is so precious and while I certainly want to believe that she has a whole long life ahead of her where she is going to drive me so crazy sometimes that I want to send her to live on a different planet - I'm not convinced yet.  The Glenn is looming ahead of us and she's been doing so well but it's a new surgery with new obstacles to face and I'm not resting on our laurels.  I look at this surgery just as risky as the Norwood even though the survival rates are better.  We could always be on the unlucky end of those numbers and I won't ever forget that fact.  Enough gloom and doom from me today, it is a beautiful day and hopefully Bri and I will be ever to take our little missy for a walk tonight.


  1. I know how you feel! My mother in law is our daycare provider and Aly loves her grandma. But when I walk in the door, she lights up. I'm sure Olivia will be the same way with you. At least we don't have to take them to daycare with strangers, right? :)
    heart hugs,

  2. We had our glenn last oct. My little one did great. In and out in about a week. The one thing to watch are the headaches after. They can last for awhile. I hope all goes well :) your little one is so cute.