Saturday, April 21, 2012

One Month To Go

It is very likely by this time next month Olivia will already be in the OR and doctors will be cutting open her sweet little chest once more.  Schedules have been cleared, vacations/trips cancelled or modified just so everyone can be around when she goes in.  During casual talks, everyone has been great about expressing their support, offering a lending hand for whatever needs may arise.  I hear all those things and am grateful but what hits me harder is how confident everyone is that this surgery will be just fine.  It's not ignorance because they realize the severity of her defect in saying it and they have the best of intentions, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

There are no guarantees in life and this is precisely one of those moments where I'm well aware of what hangs in the balance to a painstaking degree.  The thought of handing over this two year old with all sorts of personality, spunk and quick wits to get back anything less than the same post-op is extremely difficult.  The risk of death from the surgery is possible, but unlikely.  Still - what parent signing that consent form listing death as a possible risk associated with the procedure doesn't take pause?  I look at it from the perspective of there are % associated with the outcomes because someone has to be that minority - why wouldn't I consider Olivia to be in that small "unhappily ever"?  I know families in those small #'s, they had a child one day and didn't the next.  Heart families and healthy families alike - like birth, death is a part of life no matter how unnatural it may seem to grasp.

As I am writing this and delving deep, someone must have tipped Olivia off what's going on next month, she is running around screaming (quietly - you know vocal cords and all) throwing a huge tantrum to anything or anyone that will pay attention.  Duty calls!  And like that, life goes on...

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