The day was getting by us and I didn't really want to continue to let her lollygag around knowing that I still needed to get her lunch and back to the house for naptime. So what's a mom to do that doesn't bring the stroller in? Why carry her 27lb daughter of course! I scooped her up and began walking towards the store I parked the car. As we were walking, a teenager in a hurry ran by us and brushed my shoulder and got me a little off balance. Liv's no cream puff and I kind of staggered, put her down so we both didn't face plant. And then, don't ask me why, but I completely played out a horrific "what could have been scene". The mall that we were at is two stories and the upstairs has glass partitions to allow people above to look down below. Normally Olivia likes to walk along that partition to watch everything going down below her and I'll walk by her side. All I could think of is what if I had been carrying her near the banister over looking the first floor when that teenager ran past us? What if I had lost my balance and Olivia actually went over the railing? I couldn't breathe and I felt sick. So sick that I actually had to stop and sit for a second so I didn't throw up in public.
I have no idea why I let my mind wander there and go into such gory detail but I couldn't stop it once it started. Once the nausea passed, we continued on with our day, but I've replayed that image often since then. I know for certain if I ever pick her up again while we're walking the second floor, I will always stay in the middle of the walkways far away from the railing in the event I were to trip and fall on my own.