It came on like a freight train, but somehow pessimism set in big time on Saturday. Nothing was working right, nothing was good enough and nothing could settle me. Some of this could be attributed to the fact that I am over 30 weeks along now, carrying around a good sized bowling ball and there are things I can no longer simply do for myself. I hate relying on others to help me do something and I'm impatient about waiting on the help if it's something that I want done in the moment. Olivia is still just as wild as she was the previous week, with lots of big movements across my stomach that even distort the overall shape. Now Moms, I'm all about feeling her move and getting that "aww" moment but when it's seriously extremities coming out or a back bend in the most akward position, I definitely don't get that lovey dovey feeling. I get the feeling that I have an unappreciative houseguest in my midst.
Our house is coming along, Brian has successfully checked the bathroom remodel off the list of things to do and the nursery has its first coat of paint. All progress, again though I took little comfort in the accomplishments. I can only put it down to the fact that all of these things that are going on without my control or much effort from me and that is just hard for me to accept. I am trying to put it in perspective for myself that there's going to be a lot more things in the future that are out of my control regarding Olivia's health so all of the current trials and tribulations are good leaning experiences. While my mind of course understands this is all logical, there is the little she-devil inside of me that's getting awfully full of frustration with little outlet to blow off some steam.
All in all, most of my problem is that I feel sorry for myself. I'm just getting to that point in the pregnancy where I'm going to get more uncomfortable as days go on and that combined with the cold dreary weather, endless work at the office, and endless projects is just making for a crabby Lisa (yes-crabbier than usual Lisa). Hopefully it's something that will blow over with a good night's rest, thank goodness Olivia and I still have a good pact in place regarding the importance of my sleep. I negotiated with her and said that I would have a little sweets here and there if she lets me sleep well-so far it has seemed to work quite well.
Cinder-Livvy
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A day of doctors
Whew! It has been quite a long day and it's only coming up on 5pm
My day started around 4:30 when I just decided I couldn't sleep anymore. I wasn't nervous, I felt completely rested and relaxed to get up and get going. I checked some email, nibbled on some fruit, watched an episode of NCIS and then decided to make Brian breakfast in bed. He's not exactly a morning person so I thought it would be a nice surprise on one of his long days where he goes to school after work. By 5:45 I was out the door on my way to my parents to get mom before we headed off to the hospital.
We started with Dr. Cuneo (Card) and another fetal echo to see how Olivia's growth is impacting her heart and all related anatomy. The echo lasted longer than the last few have, so not going to lie, I started to get a bit antsy. Once Dr. Cuneo came in though all my angst was put to rest, they were looking at the valves which they hadn't really been able to view before due to size, view, etc. Olivia is looking great at this stage. Her pulmonary artery & vein are both really nice sizes and while the aorta is still hypoplast, it has subtly grown since the last scan. We got two thumbs up, scheduled our next visit for four weeks from today and were then sent off to the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Group there at Christ.
The intent with making a switch over to MFM at Christ is these high-risk OBs are better equipped to handle a labor and delivery of a baby with any special needs during delivery or post delivery. They are more likely to throw in the towel and call an audible c-section if Olivia isn't tolerating the contractions properly and overall just have a better idea of what signs to look out for in later weeks of my pregnancy if we need to induce. It sounds like the delivery room will be quite the happening place for us when Miss Olivia makes her debut. We will have a Neonatologist, Respiratory Therapist, Nurses and of course the Dr playing quarterback.
As I've stated before in previous posts, we will not have much time with Livvy when she's first born as they will take her to assess vitals and promptly start her on an IV of Prostaglandin for the Fetal Ductus. However, those first few days before surgery will be next to normal except that I will have to go to her instead of her staying in the room with me. Immediate family will be able to meet her and hold her; so no worries there.
The best part of the day in between going back to exam rooms to go over some things and then coming back out to the waiting room only to be called back again 30 minutes later was the level 2 ultrasound looking for growth and development. Olivia has really grown since 22 weeks. She is currently measuring at 3 lbs 7 oz, ranking in the 66th percentile. Given the stature of our families, it's highly unlikely that she'll ever find her way into much higher percentiles than that, but I'm happy to see that she's growing and thriving. As we keep saying, the bigger she is, the easier it will be the for surgeons to work around her little anatomy as you have to picture a 7 lb newborn's heart is not much bigger than a walnut.
At one point it looked like we might get a 3D pic of her face as the doctor had one saved perfectly, but being technologically handicapped, he lost the file as he tried to print it out. Oh well, all I can say is she was adorable and in my eyes looked a lot like her daddy (minus the satellite dish ears) Oops did I just say that? Truth be told I really don't care who and what she looks like, she's ours and that's all that matters. I thought about it the other night and although I wouldn't wish our circumstances on anyone else, I wouldn't trade Olivia for any other "healthy baby" either. She's ours and we love her just the way that she's been given to us.
My day started around 4:30 when I just decided I couldn't sleep anymore. I wasn't nervous, I felt completely rested and relaxed to get up and get going. I checked some email, nibbled on some fruit, watched an episode of NCIS and then decided to make Brian breakfast in bed. He's not exactly a morning person so I thought it would be a nice surprise on one of his long days where he goes to school after work. By 5:45 I was out the door on my way to my parents to get mom before we headed off to the hospital.
We started with Dr. Cuneo (Card) and another fetal echo to see how Olivia's growth is impacting her heart and all related anatomy. The echo lasted longer than the last few have, so not going to lie, I started to get a bit antsy. Once Dr. Cuneo came in though all my angst was put to rest, they were looking at the valves which they hadn't really been able to view before due to size, view, etc. Olivia is looking great at this stage. Her pulmonary artery & vein are both really nice sizes and while the aorta is still hypoplast, it has subtly grown since the last scan. We got two thumbs up, scheduled our next visit for four weeks from today and were then sent off to the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Group there at Christ.
The intent with making a switch over to MFM at Christ is these high-risk OBs are better equipped to handle a labor and delivery of a baby with any special needs during delivery or post delivery. They are more likely to throw in the towel and call an audible c-section if Olivia isn't tolerating the contractions properly and overall just have a better idea of what signs to look out for in later weeks of my pregnancy if we need to induce. It sounds like the delivery room will be quite the happening place for us when Miss Olivia makes her debut. We will have a Neonatologist, Respiratory Therapist, Nurses and of course the Dr playing quarterback.
As I've stated before in previous posts, we will not have much time with Livvy when she's first born as they will take her to assess vitals and promptly start her on an IV of Prostaglandin for the Fetal Ductus. However, those first few days before surgery will be next to normal except that I will have to go to her instead of her staying in the room with me. Immediate family will be able to meet her and hold her; so no worries there.
The best part of the day in between going back to exam rooms to go over some things and then coming back out to the waiting room only to be called back again 30 minutes later was the level 2 ultrasound looking for growth and development. Olivia has really grown since 22 weeks. She is currently measuring at 3 lbs 7 oz, ranking in the 66th percentile. Given the stature of our families, it's highly unlikely that she'll ever find her way into much higher percentiles than that, but I'm happy to see that she's growing and thriving. As we keep saying, the bigger she is, the easier it will be the for surgeons to work around her little anatomy as you have to picture a 7 lb newborn's heart is not much bigger than a walnut.
At one point it looked like we might get a 3D pic of her face as the doctor had one saved perfectly, but being technologically handicapped, he lost the file as he tried to print it out. Oh well, all I can say is she was adorable and in my eyes looked a lot like her daddy (minus the satellite dish ears) Oops did I just say that? Truth be told I really don't care who and what she looks like, she's ours and that's all that matters. I thought about it the other night and although I wouldn't wish our circumstances on anyone else, I wouldn't trade Olivia for any other "healthy baby" either. She's ours and we love her just the way that she's been given to us.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The joys of healthcare
Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative of the times that we live in, the advances in medical technology. Without all of this amazing high tech equipment we wouldn't have had advanced warning of Olivia's future with HLHS. That being said, I find it absolutely staggering in these times of such profound advances that we are still struggling with something as simple as payment for services rendered for individuals that have been actively paying and assumed they're covered by their health insurance. Below is an article that I found tonight on MSN regarding a family that is on the edge of bankruptcy after their son's treatment for HLHS. Is it possible that all the hiccups that we are having with the healthcare system may possible slow future advances in medicine? I don't know and certainly don't have any suggestions or answers to the problem.
I can only look at this family and be envious of the fact that they are so thankful to have their son around to this day that it overshadows any financial hardships that are taking their toll on their blessed family. I found them to be quite inspirational for whatever the future may hold for us.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34940094/ns/health-health_care/
Keep an eye out for another update tomorrow. We have another meeting with Dr. Cuneo (Cardiologist) and the Maternal Fetal Specialists at Christ to start talking about delivery plans, etc. Time is flying by and I'll be 30 weeks on Friday. Olivia is getting quite antsy, she has been absolutely all over the place since Sunday night and I would swear that I have bruises internally to prove it.
I can only look at this family and be envious of the fact that they are so thankful to have their son around to this day that it overshadows any financial hardships that are taking their toll on their blessed family. I found them to be quite inspirational for whatever the future may hold for us.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34940094/ns/health-health_care/
Keep an eye out for another update tomorrow. We have another meeting with Dr. Cuneo (Cardiologist) and the Maternal Fetal Specialists at Christ to start talking about delivery plans, etc. Time is flying by and I'll be 30 weeks on Friday. Olivia is getting quite antsy, she has been absolutely all over the place since Sunday night and I would swear that I have bruises internally to prove it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My little alien baby
"ET phone home" is one of the first things that ran through my head last night. I was just relaxing in bed reading when I saw the covers start to move and it wasn't by my doing. I lifted them up to check out what was going on and quickly saw something disappear back into my stomach. I sat there for a few minutes waiting for it to happen again and nothing so I started reading again until I felt this weird stretching. Right away I was able to put my hand down on the said spot and I either high-fived Olivia or grabbed her little foot as she was pushing it out as far as it would go. Let me tell you how crazy that was! Then the little troublemaker decided to do it again which was just getting too creepy for me, so I gently pushed whatever extremity back in where it belonged and she was polite enough to let me be for the rest of the night. At least Olivia's minding some of her manners and not trying to take advantage of her houseguest rights entirely.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A bientot my sister!
Well Linda is back off to Paris with the only difference being that she is going there to live and work full-time. In reality, there's not much of a difference to this arrangement than there has been in the past five years that she's been between Penn & Paris. We'll probably see her the standard few weeks out of the year and communicate mostly via the web and phone calls, but I know it felt different for my parents.
Brian and I said our normal goodbyes, good lucks, etc and Linda said an individual goodbye to Olivia who will most likely be about 3 months old by the time she meets her aunt. Not giving it a second thought we drove off to run errands while my parents were getting ready to take Linda to the airport. Brian and I chatted in the car about the fact that this really is no different than any other time she's left for school or her internships abroad and in fact we may hear from her more now that she's not worried about keeping up with studying. But then as we sat at a light I gave a thought to looking at it from my Mom's perspective. How would I feel if I fast forwarded in the future and it was Olivia moving to another country for the forseeable future? Suddenly I didn't feel as cavalier about it, it downright made me cry to think of one of my kids moving to another country where I could only see them via webcam on a regular basis.
I suppose this is one of those moments that brings a smile to parents faces. The one accompanied by "You'll see when you're a parent yourself". Yes, yes Moms & Dads....another life lesson learned. Either way bon chance a ma petite soeur et je t'aime beaucoup.
Brian and I said our normal goodbyes, good lucks, etc and Linda said an individual goodbye to Olivia who will most likely be about 3 months old by the time she meets her aunt. Not giving it a second thought we drove off to run errands while my parents were getting ready to take Linda to the airport. Brian and I chatted in the car about the fact that this really is no different than any other time she's left for school or her internships abroad and in fact we may hear from her more now that she's not worried about keeping up with studying. But then as we sat at a light I gave a thought to looking at it from my Mom's perspective. How would I feel if I fast forwarded in the future and it was Olivia moving to another country for the forseeable future? Suddenly I didn't feel as cavalier about it, it downright made me cry to think of one of my kids moving to another country where I could only see them via webcam on a regular basis.
I suppose this is one of those moments that brings a smile to parents faces. The one accompanied by "You'll see when you're a parent yourself". Yes, yes Moms & Dads....another life lesson learned. Either way bon chance a ma petite soeur et je t'aime beaucoup.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Happy New Year!
We gladly welcome 2010 into our home! After all, it is the year of Olivia's debut and I'm starting to get so excited that it's hard to sleep through the night.
This is a year of significant changes for us and hopefully positive things to come for others
Among the changes this year already:
This is a year of significant changes for us and hopefully positive things to come for others
Among the changes this year already:
- Brian is working on finishing his last semester of his MBA, we couldn't be more excited and I am extremely proud of the way that he has juggled work, school & family obligations throughout the past few years
- Aunt Linda will be leaving us soon to return to Paris full-time for the near future (and will be greatly missed from our day to day)
- Olivia will officially have a new aunt in 2011 as Uncle Craig has proposed to his wonderful girlfriend Katie
- Our cousin Ray has officially become a Marine and we pray for his health and safety in the months to come
I do, however have a favor for all the parents out there that are following our story as we go along-for all of you that have happy and healthy children at home, please take a moment to make sure that you take the opportunity to hug them, tell them an extra "I love you", or take an extra minute to focus on them out of your day. There are many parents out there with sick little ones or have already lost their children along the way that would give anything for that extra moment or two.
Above all else this year (you may say this is my New Year's Resolution) - I am trying to make a conscious effort to take a minute out of each day and realize how fortunate I am and appreciate all the opportunities and love that I am given on a daily basis. I wish for the same type of blessings for all of my loved ones in the coming year...
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