Crying over Spilled Milk

Okay, it's not really spilled, but all our reserves of my breast milk are just about depleted.  In fact, Olivia will officially have her last bottle with any breast milk sometime this morning while I'm here at the office.  I am so sad about this new milestone.  I don't think I could have pumped any longer than I did with my work and travel schedule back in September and quitting did feel liberating.  But today, I'm really pretty sad that this is it, and that we're turning a page in her life.  It's so weird, I didn't think I'd have such an attachment, but I loved knowing that I was helping her grow and thrive and now I feel like that's over.  So today I'll be a teary over the spilled milk.  It was definitely consumed more than we ever spilled, it but you know what I mean.

9 Months In & 9 Months Out

Although I still maintain that pregnancy is more like 10 months long - today does indeed commerate Olivia's 9 Month Birthday.  In these short 9 months we have lived and celebrated so much: two surgeries, one cath, two teeth (maybe more), sitting up, first Halloween, Thanksgiving and my ultimate favorite Christmas. 

I will first commend both sets of grandparents for keeping the spoiling to useful and fun items that Olivia will get much use out of for the coming months and years.  I know they struggled to keep it relatively calm and appreciate their restraint.  I could have not wished for better Christmas behavior from Livvy.  She took all the carting from one Grandparents house to the other in stride and didn't even really let her nap schedule get off track which was so nice for her sleep deprived parents - we considered it a Christmas bonus. 

We have lots of pictures (to come shortly) to mark the occasion and I feel like words don't do it justice as to what a gift we all considered marking Olivia's first Christmas with her.  She is our Christmas miracle. 

My Grown Up Christmas Wish

Every time I hear Kelly Clarkson's version of my Grown Up Christmas List, I am always moved to the point where I need to take a second and catch my breath. 

This year, with Olivia, everything is different and I know in that sense I am no different than any first time mother.  I am sure that there are more similarities than differences.  But when I sit back and read old entries or cruise down memory lane through the literally hundreds of pictures that we've taken of her over the last 9 months - I am literally put into a different mindset entirely.  Olivia's case of HLHS along with all of her little peers that were born at the same time at Hope continue to do excellent and exceed the norms for these heart babes...for that - I thank my lucky stars. 

So while people are at the malls for some crazed last minute Christmas shopping and cursing their procrastination or the sketchy driving skills of others out on the road; do try to take a step back and take a moment and think of how fortunate you are.  Pause and think of those that may not have any friends or family to be in such craze over the "perfect gift", that they will be celebrating the holiday alone.  Those that have recently lost or are going to lose a family member and celebrate the first holiday in a new light full of loss.  Then the one that stikes the closest to home for me, the families that are going to see their little ones in the hospital unsure of whether or not they will ever get home or if there will be tomorrow, much less another Christmas together.  So my grown up Christmas wish for this year is that you/me/we try to think of someone out of the ordinary and think about how you could do one small thing to make their Christmas or this holiday season a little better. 

Guilt Trip

Oh we've all been on them and most of us have even sent others on the guilt trip.  Olivia?  She's a master of them already.  I had to work a lot of hours last week and take a quick overnight trip to Indianapolis for business and little Missy was well aware that something was off on her day to day.  She was crabbier than usual during the day, unhappy when Grandma would get her from her afternoon naps because that's normally Mommy's job; and really needy for me at night.  We're talking like, she had to play with all her toys and everything like normal, but in my lap - the whole evening.  I feel awful.  She's stretching out her hands now for me to take her and has this ear pitching I don't even know what to call it when she feels like I'm ignoring her.  Oy.

On to happier notes, she is giving a few select people kisses consistently, starting to wave bye bye and those teeth are really coming through now.  I think there's more than a few brewing in there but she's pretty choosy about letting us get a sneak peek.  Only a few days of work this week and then we'll really be able to enjoy Olivia's first Christmas! Sigh...so exciting, I can't even tell you.  I do have to spend quite a bit of time today and tomorrow wrapping presents. 

All Olivia Wants for Christmas...

...IS HER TWO FRONT TEETH!

There are two little razor blades that are making their way through my little gf's bottom gums.  I am trying to soak up the last of the gummy grins and will be sort of sad when they're gone. 

This weekend we went to the 2nd Birthday of the RMCH at Hope, we even got to get pictures with Santa after all.  We had originally decided that pictures with Santa were not worth the hassle or danger of going to the mall to be around all the potential flu factors.  Luckily Brian had the camera ready as soon as I threw gently placed Olivia on Santa's lap.  The first pic has her startled face and the second captures the screaming fit as it starts.  So another milestone down!

Mommy had a milestone too - I went back to the gym for the 1st time as in 13 months!  I had originally tried to keep working out during my pregnancy but after the HLHS dx, doctors recommended that I rest as much as possible to conserve calories so that Olivia would hopefully benefit.  Thank goodness I didn't become a complete slug or she might have been 10+ lbs.  Shockingly the gym wasn't as tough as I thought it would be, my abs are sore, but it's a "good hurt" and it was really nice to blow off some steam while chugging along on the elliptical. 

I know one of our heart friends are making their New Year's resolution to get healthier and I thought it was a good plan for us as well. 

Tonight I struggle with feeling a bit like Stretch Armstrong - pulled pretty far in all directions.  I have some supreme deadlines at the office, a potential work trip tomorrow pending weather,  Olivia had PT today, she was fussy while I was trying to make dinner, I need to wrap gifts and get some much needed laundry done.  She does keep things in perspective though, hard to really prioritize when she's now starting to reach out for us and give "kisses".  It's sort of a slobbery little mess on my cheek but I give her a kiss when I get home and then she returns the favor.  Life doesn't get much better than that.

A Well Baby Checkup?

Yep, we had a well baby checkup for Miss Olivia today.  Her 8month/9month checkup, we've always been off the regular schedule so I'm not sure which is a standard visit for babies, but either way, she had hers.  When I received the confirmation phone call for the appointment last week they said they would pair her Synagis for Dec with this visit as well and she also needed a Hepatitis B vaccine.  I didn't think much of it until we were in the office and the nurse started throwing out all the other things we were supposed to have this visit. 

Here's the good:
Olivia's weighing in at 18lbs 5oz, she's 28" long and her head is pretty much off the charts for her age - haha...the doctor is currently not worried about the shape despite me bringing it up twice now in our last few visits nonetheless he took a few more measurements and said he would check it again in another month.

The bad:
Missy was due to get her last Hep B vaccination, Meningitis & Tetanus with whooping cough-oh and a blood draw to check iron levels -Yuck, Bleh, Bah Humbug!
Whooping Cough cases are in the area and anyone who has a baby with a CHD or other medically fragile baby knows that Whooping Cough is bad for a baby without medical complications - throw in something additional like a CHD and it can be fatal.  When I told the doctor I was not keen on 6 sticks for one visit he said that definitely put off the Hep B, wasn't crazy about holding off on Meningitis but was adament on Tetanus.  I agree, I thought of all of the things that we had on the to-do list, getting protection from Whooping Cough as the most important.  Too bad it also has the most adverse reaction from the kiddos. 

She took it in pure Olivia fashion, now busting out her new ear piercing scream and calming down as soon as she was tucked back in her stroller.  She's hanging out with me right now in her bouncer alternating between whining and babbling.  I'm giggling a little bit that tonight's Brian's night to be up with her...but of course am here if she they need me.  For now, I'm going to soothe my little stressed out Mommy nerves and eat some yummy Pumpkin ice cream while Daddy's off bowling with the guys.

When was the last time...

That you did something for a perfect stranger?  I try to hold open doors for the elderly, moms with babies/strollers, saying "thank you" to the staff at a restaurant or the ticket agent at an airport; but I never really go out of my way-sad, but pretty true.

Yesterday I was on my way home from work and I saw an older man who was stopped on the side of the road outside his car on a busy road without a shoulder.  I pulled up next to him and asked if he needed any help.  He explained that his car had run out of gas and that his son was walking down the road to try and get some gas.  I wasn't too far from home and knew that there was a gas station only about 1/2 mile away so I said that I would try to get his son and take him over to the gas station and then bring him back with gas.  It was the first really cold day we had up here, the wind was blowing enough to make your eyes water.  The man offered to pay me to get his son and bring him back so he wouldn't have to walk in the cold.  I told him it was fine, no money necessary, I'd get his son and be back in a few.  That man's eyes started to water and he couldn't talk anymore but just waved at me as I drove away.  I found his son, he'd been picked up by someone else along the way and I made sure she was going to give him a ride back before I continued on home. 

Such a small thing, that trip would have taken me about five extra minutes to get home, but it was a really big deal to that man.  I felt really good and bad all at once.  I'm usually that person that sees people stuck on the side of the road and think "I'm sure someone else is going to help" or "I have to be somewhere and can't be late". I remember coming home from a business trip early last year before I was pregnant, arms full of  paperwork and carrying my bags when I fell in the middle of the terminal and my stuff flew everywhere and I flew out of my heels (comical sight I assure you).  The terminal was fairly busy and people just walked around me and over my stuff.  I had really hurt one of my knees and ankles and everyone just kept on going.  I limped the rest of the way to my car and sort of grumbled about how unfriendly could be.  Now I sort of realize that I was bordering on being one of those observers rather than a helper.  Today was pay it forward day...what did you do to help out another?